i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
