i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
