5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
