Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
