I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
