i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
