we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
