Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was CRYING into my vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
