I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
