my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
