i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
