So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize