I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize