I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize