Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
