Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
