thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is the high leading the old right now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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