I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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