Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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