i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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