my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
