good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
