Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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