Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
