look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
