I seem to have left my pride at pride
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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