I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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