Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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