I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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