the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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