nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
