had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
