also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize