dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
