I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
false alarm. still invincible.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
