I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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