She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
organizing the empties. That sober.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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