Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
