I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
