I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it's great music for shaving your balls
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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