i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
