Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize