im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
