We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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