Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
