And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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