I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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