I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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