scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
