FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
