can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
