you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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