WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The power of my boobs compel you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
