Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
