Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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