Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
