If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
