Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
how drunk are you?
Several
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
