On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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