Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
