also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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