the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
