i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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