i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
