Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
