Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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