My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
