Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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