She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
