I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
