hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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