I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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