is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
