I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
