I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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