I puked a lego.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
